


KMeme Gone Wrong

by Sarah1281



Series: Fail Wardens [7]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Humor, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah1281/pseuds/Sarah1281
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kmeme is most of the time all in good fun and some of it can be very nicely done. Sometimes, though...sometimes you get THOSE prompts that never should have existed. Prompts like Morrigan turning Alistair into a dog and the PC chasing after him. No smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	KMeme Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Kmeme Prompt: Alistair gets turned into crazy hairy dog beast thing because Morrigan got twitchy or something. PC thinks it's kind of hot and wants to do him before Morrigan changes him back.

"So you don't know that one either, huh?" Alistair asked with a smirk. "Hm…how about this one: Where was Andraste killed?"

"What part of 'religious questions are not academic questions' did you not get?" Morrigan growled.

"Ask me again after you tell me what part of 'any self-respecting five-year-old would know the answer to this' you didn't grasp," Alistair retorted. "So…do you know?"

"No, I do not know nor do I care to know where a long-dead woman met her ignoble end," Morrigan ground out. She was seriously not in the mood for Alistair's attempts to get her to stop calling him an idiot. If he truly weren't one, surely he would have had the sense not to bother her when she had such a splitting headache.

"The answer is Minrathous, of course," Alistair said smugly. "But that was a hard one. I mean, it's not like Minrathous is the capital of the Tevinter Imperium or anything…oh wait, yes it is! But let's try this one-"

That was it. Morrigan absolutely could not take it anymore and she shot a powerful burst of magic at the still-smirking templar. He hadn't expected her attack or he would have undoubtedly attempted to use his templar skills to save him.

"Morrigan," Alistair asked, horrified. "What did you-" He stopped speaking as his human mouth became that of a canine's.

Morrigan had found it sad when that dog had joined the party and Alistair was still the stupidest member and so she wondered if turning Alistair into a mabari (albeit one that was bigger and hairier) would increase his intelligence any. At any rate, at least he wasn't talking anymore.

Mary Sue Cousland wandered up to her then. "Hello, Morrigan. Have you seen Alistair?"

Morrigan gestured towards the Ali-beast.

Mary Sue blinked. "You know, I could have sworn that he was human just this morning. Did you do something to him?"

"I turning him into an Ali-beast," Morrigan announced. "Why? Do you feel that that was wrong of me?"

Mary Sue bit her lip gently and fingered her long, luscious raven hair. "Oh, no, not at all."

"Well, then you should have been here five minutes ago when…" Morrigan trailed off as she realized what Mary Sue had actually said. "Wait, what? You don't have a problem with me turning your boyfriend into a gigantic dog?"

Mary Sue shook her head. "Far from it. In fact…" At this Mary Sue let out a girlish giggle. "I think it's kind of cute. And – dare I say it – really hot."

The Ali-beast drew back in horror.

"Let me get this straight," Morrigan told her. "You're finding yourself attracted to him in this form? I know that they say that hormonal lust is blind but he's a dog."

Mary Sue laughed. "Please. I'm a good Ferelden girl. Since when would a little dog offend my sensibilities?"

Morrigan felt a sudden urge to vomit and a profound gratefulness towards her mother for not letting her grow up amongst these deeply disturbed people…which, in turn, just made her want to vomit again. "Right. Well, if you need me I'll be back in my ten-wait, you always use that for your sexual encounters don't you? Well, I'll be over by Sten enjoying the silence. Send Alistair to me when you're done and I'll change him back…if no one gives me any details."

"Will do," Mary Sue said cheerfully. "Now come here you sexy, sexy Ali-beast you…"

Morrigan ignored the Ali-beast's plaintive whimpers as she retreated to the other side of camp, already dreading what she'd find in her tent when Mary Sue was done with it. Things might have been a little awkward with Sten since he had filled her in on qunari mating rituals – which, true or not, were deeply disturbing – but at least he wouldn't pester her incessantly and she had her mother's Grimoire with her so she could at least read while she was waiting. Waiting on other people to have sex before she could go back to her space…sometimes it felt like she'd never left home although at least her mother had restricted herself to bipedal species.

Finally, after about thirty minutes Morrigan's reading was interrupted by the arrival of the desperate-looking Ali-beast. Annoyed, Morrigan pushed the creature off of her. "Finished already, are you? I would have thought she'd have taken longer. Still, I really don't wish to know any more of this than I have to." Morrigan shot another burst of magic at the Ali-beast and within seconds he was fully human again.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Alistair said gratefully. "I promise I'll never try to trip you up with an academic question ever again!"

Morrigan briefly considered reminding him that she was the one that had turned him into a dog in the first place but decided against it. She really hated those questions, after all.

"Oh, Ali-beast!" Mary Sue called seductively as she made her way over to them. "I…Morrigan! Why did you change him back?"

"You weren't done?" Morrigan asked blankly. "Then why ever would you send him to me?"

"We didn't even start," Mary Sue complained. "Silly boy kept running from me. And I didn't send him to you, I guess he made his way over on his own and tricked you into thinking I wanted him turned back."

"It looks like it," Morrigan agreed before suddenly turning and glaring at Alistair.

"Well, change him back!" Mary Sue demanded. "I didn't get my mabari love yet!"

"I can't," Morrigan said, peeved. "Alistair just drained my mana."

"Oh, don't even pretend like you blame me," Alistair told her shortly before turning his attention back to his girlfriend. "As for you…I can't believe you tried to do that!"

"What?" Mary Sue asked, surprised. "You're my boyfriend and we've had sex before. What was so wrong about what I wanted us to do?"

"I wasn't a dog before!" Alistair cried out. "That is just so…so…I don't even have the words for how disturbed I find this! And what part of me escaping didn't scream out 'No, stop, I don't want this' to you?"

Mary Sue shrugged. "I thought it was part of the foreplay. You were a dog, after all."

"Mary Sue, this pains me quite a bit – actually, no it doesn't. You're crazy and I'm scared to be alone around you. We're over." With that, Alistair stormed away.

Behind him, Mary Sue's eyes began to fill with tears.

Morrigan quickly made her way back to her tent. It looked like it wouldn't be a mess after all and she was hardly in the mood to comfort someone for a relationship end they so very clearly deserved.


End file.
